


Alphabet Flipside Rufus

by Madisuzy



Series: Alphabet Study [2]
Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Angst, Dubious Consent, M/M, Rough play, Sex, Swearing, Verbal Abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-08-09
Updated: 2014-08-09
Packaged: 2017-12-22 23:07:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 16,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/919093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Madisuzy/pseuds/Madisuzy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Various chapters on Rufus' version of events in Alphabet Character Study Tseng.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 19 - Surrender (formerly Desecrate)

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally a oneshot mirror of chapter 19 in alphabet character study Tseng, but my Rufus muse is demanding more air time, so I'll be adding more chapters in the future now.
> 
> I apologize for the name change of this first chapter from Desecrate to Surrender. I decided to change it so the chapters will keep with the alphabet style of each representing a certain letter of the alphabet, so this one needed a 'S' name to match it's companion chapter in the original story. I hope it's not too confusing or annoying.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rufus will end this, one way or another. Rufus' version of events from chapter 19 Sacrosanct, Alphabet character study Tseng.

Rufus was so sure that this was the right thing to do half an hour ago. He was determined to get his life back, set to fix in one night what's been crippling him for years, but now... now that he's looking at the crux of his problems, all his resolve has fled. 

It shouldn't be so shocking to him, as when it comes to Tseng, this is always the case. The other man is an anomaly, a square peg in the round hole of his life, pushing everything out of shape and leaving him frustrated at how nothing fits anymore.

The gun in his hand is cold, and he knows he could change that, bring it to heat with just two movements... aim and fire... but his arm won't rise.

Tseng lies sleeping peacefully on his side, beautifully relaxed in the sweet embrace of dreams, and Rufus can do nothing but stare, watching the slow rise and fall of ribs, hypnotized by this incubus that he can't stop wanting.

_Does he dream of me?_

The thought brings a sharp pain to his chest, images of Tseng with Rude and Reno fluttering through his mind like butterflies with wings made of razor blades... cutting cleanly, slicing away all the hope and secret wishes he'd harbored for what this could become.

Rufus has never loved like this before and now... now he wishes he never had.

It hurts too much, and even in the midst of his agony, he still can't lift the gun and end it. Just the thought of Tseng never breathing again, never looking at him with those eyes, never touching him with those trembling hands.... It is unbearable, unthinkable, unendurable.

The gasped sob escapes him without his consent, and he quickly covers his mouth with his free hand, sucking in a ragged breath and squeezing his eyes closed. His control is gone, left out in the hall with his dignity and self respect. All that he has here, in Tseng's bedroom, is his shattered hopes and slowly expiring dreams.

For a moment, his eyes open and look at the gun still held tightly in one hand, safety off and barrel pointing to the floor. It would only take a twist of the wrist, a slight redirection and he could end this pain... end the suffering that he is so shamed to be drowning in.

Minutes tick by.

The tears have dried on his face by the time he looks up, attention caught by movement from the bed before him. Tseng has moved to lie on his back, arms stretched out over his head like he is freefalling through his slumber, unconcerned with the pain of impact. The sheet has fallen down and rides low on pale hips, a tease of dark hair visible. Rufus thinks of following the trail with his tongue, despite the disabling pain in his chest... still wants and needs like some brainless teenager lost in the rush of lust.

That he is still only a teenager in years is irrelevant. He should be more, has been trained to be above all of that since he can remember, and now he finds himself lost in his inadequacy. His father has always called him weak and now, in this moment, Rufus is starting to believe the old bastard is right.

Rufus has never felt so pathetic.

The gun drops to the floor with a muted thump, and Rufus steps away from it, leaving his salvation in the shadows. By the time he is by the side of Tseng's bed, he is naked and feels nothing but a numb determination that has turned his insides to stone. He realizes he is lost, has been lost for some time and was only in denial. Money and position and breeding mean nothing here. There is only the ruler of his heart and he is sick of fighting, sick of trying to win against what has already defeated him.

But to surrender completely would take strength and Rufus is worn through, like an old cloth that's fibers are only held together by habit. To let Tseng touch him now would be too much, and he knows he would disintegrate under those fingers, fall apart until there was nothing left but the memory of cohesion. He can feel the edges of himself fraying with every step as he turns to the night stand and picks up Tseng's discarded tie, letting the silk run through his fingers as he turns back to the bed.

Reno has taught him many things in their time together, and Rufus uses one of those lessons now, tying Tseng's wrists to the bed-head with a graceful haste that he hates the source of. Once the deed is done, Rufus stands back, breathing hard as the realism of what he is about to do settles over him and fills him with fear.

The redhead's image appears in his mind, laughing at his cowardice, and Rufus snarls audibly, wishing he could rip the image of that infuriating smirk from his mind. Reno was the first friend he'd ever let himself have, and while Rufus had been aware of the close bond between the redhead and Tseng, he had pushed down his jealousy and believed Tseng's explanations that they were like family and no more. 

He'd wanted to believe it, so very much, as he knew there was no way he could ever compete with the pull of Reno's sensuality if it wasn't true. The redhead is all long lines and swift movements, lazy gazes and easy confidence, experience bred through years of living that Rufus was never allowed.

Rufus knows there is no possibility he can make Tseng feel the way that Reno does in bed, but if the blond is anything, he is stubborn, and before he throws in the towel for good, he has to at least try.

He's already lost his heart, his self respect and pride... there is simply nothing left to stop him.

Rufus crawls over Tseng's inert form, on his hands and knees, hovering above but still afraid to touch. It's like standing on the edge of a cliff and trying to throw your body over the edge, every muscle tight with the fear of falling.

Then Tseng's eyes flutter and begin to open.

"Rufus? What are you doing?" Tseng's deep voice murmurs, rough from misuse as it crawls up Rufus' spine and makes him shiver.

"What you wanted," Rufus replies, distracted by the memory of the confrontation in Tseng's office before the plate drop... how Tseng had wanted Rufus to take him with violence when all the blond ever wanted was to surrender into Tseng's arms.

"I only want you... how doesn't matter," Tseng insists, blinking up at Rufus and looking so adorably muddled in the soft green glow that creeps in through the window.

Rufus' heart clenches in his chest, and it takes all of his remaining strength to not fall apart with the realization that he will never see this sight again.

"If only that were true," Rufus whispers, face contorting as he wrestles for control.

"Release me. Let me show you?" Tseng asks, voice a soft purr in the too quiet room.

Rufus almost gives in, fingers twitching as he argues with himself over how much he wants to feel the older man's touch. 

"Rufus, don't assume. There is no one way it has to be between us. I know I'm not good with words, but the way I feel about you is not a lie."

The words are like a slap to the face, bringing Rufus back to himself in a startlingly painful moment of clarity.

_Lies... they're all that ever fall from your lips._

"I've never judged you by your words," Rufus manages, resting back on his legs as his hands raise to trace the lines of Tseng's face. He loves this man so much that he can't even kill him for his betrayal, but he can have his last taste, can pretend for a little while that love is a possibility for one such as him. "If I had, you would not be here today."

Rufus' hands move automatically, following the contours of muscle as he memorizes every inch of Tseng with his fingertips. The body beneath him trembles and warms, and Rufus feels his own mirror the flush of desire that he awakens with his touch.

"So very beautiful... too beautiful," Rufus whispers, unaware that he has spoken the words out loud as he shifts, determined to continue this despite how it terrifies him. 

It is an odd kind of fear, twisted as it is with the despair that threads through every breath Rufus takes, but it somehow makes his hands purposeful in their retrieval of the lube from the bedside table draw. There is not a tremble to been seen as he craws back onto the bed between Tseng's legs and takes the older man's erection in is mouth without hesitation. Rufus is determined that this be at least memorable, and he tries his best to make Tseng fell every suck and lick, every push and pull of fingers that spread him in preparation.

It is not rough, as Tseng has previously inferred he wanted it to be, but Rufus can't bring himself to hurt this man, even when he believes Tseng deserves it so very much. Instead he wields pleasure like a weapon, torturing the older man with as much as he can take before ceasing all touch. Tseng is a panting mess of debauchery on the bed by the time Rufus stops, legs spread wide, body flushed and wanting, and Rufus can only stare, stunned by the fact that Tseng has managed to surprise him yet again.

He'd thought there was nothing more beautiful in existence than Tseng in his sleep.

"Rufus?"

The uncertain call of his name pulls Rufus back into the moment and he takes a second to spread lube on his own erection, knowing that he will not last long. He only hopes it will be long enough.

"Please, more...."

Tseng's plea almost makes Rufus come, and he has to squeeze the base of his shaft for a moment to stop the sudden rush, teeth biting down on his lip painfully to counteract the urge. The moment the edge of his climax recedes, he is over Tseng, kissing him with all the need and want and love that he can no longer contain.

It's still too much, too intense, and as Rufus tries to thrust forward into Tseng on instinct, he slips and misses. It is mortifying in the moment, and Rufus keeps his face buried in Tseng's shoulder as he voices his frustration in a string of curses.

Then there are tender kisses on his burning cheek, and Rufus almost breaks from the tenderness.

He realigns and tries again, and this time he makes his target. The sudden rush of squeezing pleasure around his cock sweeps away his heartache and his mind becomes consumed with not climaxing on the spot. The rest is a blur of carnal thrusts, instinct taking over as Rufus' concentrates on the end goal of Tseng coming first. When the older man tightens around him and moans out his release, Rufus is only a step behind and then everything disappears, until Rufus finds himself laying over Tseng ungracefully, just breathing and trying to get his heart to stop it's attempts to escape his chest.

"Untie me so I can hold you," Tseng's voice pants out, and Rufus is about to comply, wanting to feel those arms embrace him in warmth that is so rare in his life. He just needs a moment to catch his breath enough to force movement into his limbs.

"Rue, please?" Tseng implores impatiently.

"Rue," Rufus repeats, breathing the word out onto Tseng's chest as his mind slams to a stop.

"Yes. My Rue," Tseng adds with a sigh.

The sudden pain almost makes Rufus choke, and he holds his breath as he tries to deal with the pet name he has not heard since he was a small child in his mother's arms. She was the only other person he had ever loved, and he lost her, just like he is about to loose Tseng, and the irony is too much, too painful in the moment for him to bear.

Suddenly he jerks away, wincing with the sting of pulling out of Tseng's body too quickly as he stumbles to the floor and blindly flails for his clothes. Once found he pulls them to his chest and somehow remembers to grab the gun before running out of the room, a sob escaping him as he pauses just inside Tseng's front door long enough to pull on pants and shirt and slip on his shoes. Then Tseng calls his name and he is out the door and running for the stairs, praying to whatever gods will listen that nobody sees him crying like a child and running away.

***.***

An hour later when Rufus is sitting in the dark in his apartment, staring at the wall with a bottle of whiskey empty before him, he realizes that he never untied Tseng. Fumbling for his phone, he sends Reno a text message, telling him he is needed in Tseng's apartment, alone, immediately.

Once the message is sent, he flings his phone at the wall, watching as it shatters and rebounds into pieces.

***.***

The last week has been hell. Rufus had tried to move on, put everything that had happened to the back of his mind and disappear into work, but there was one thing that just wouldn't let him be.

Or one person, more accurately.

The infuriating Turk he is trying to leave behind keeps trying to get him alone, and he is not only running out of excuses and escape routes, but his will is faltering too. He knows he can't keep up this pace, and eventually he realizes that there is only one option left to take. He has to man up and face Tseng, make it clear that this is over and that although they wouldn't be together anymore, he will still protect the Turks, as long as they continue to protect him.

 _Renegotiate a mutually beneficial working relationship that doesn't necessitate any personal embellishments_ , Rufus keeps telling himself, over and over.

He has it all worked out in his head, arguments and counter arguments, points and pluses to this new arrangement. All day he's worked through every possible direction the conversation could take in preparation, and he is confident he is ready by the time the work day ends.

Then he is standing in Tseng's office, watching the older man stare out the window with a scowl on his face, and all Rufus' carefully prepared words scatter like leaves in the wind. He has to say something though, so he opens his mouth to speak, words coming out in a random blurt of thought.

"Quite a sight you are, frowning at my city. Not getting enough sex?"

Internally, Rufus' brain almost caves in with the strength of the inner flinch, and he hates himself a little bit more for having a default setting that is always snarky and biting. He really needs to get the fuck away from his father and stop taking on his bad habits.

 _Get the fuck away..._ now there is a thought he can use.

"Finally done with avoiding me?" Tseng asks, turning to look at him with that emotionless expression that makes Rufus want to punch him. He doesn't know what to say, knows his avoidance has been obvious and childish, but there is no way in Hades he is going to lower himself any further by admitting it. Then Tseng looks away, staring past him to the closed door as if the sight of him is so unattractive that the woodwork is preferable, and Rufus' wounded heart sparks his temper into life.

"I haven't been avoiding you. I've just been busy. Contrary to your beliefs, my world does not revolve around you."

"Mores the pity," Tseng whispers.

The response is a complete surprise and it steals the wind from Rufus' building indignation, leaving him staring at the older man with wide eyes, his heart aching with the possibilities he wishes were true.

"I wanted to apologize for how things ended last week. I didn't mean 'rue' in the way you obviously took it. I was just shortening your name... but I am sorry if I caused offense," Tseng apologizes, still looking at the damn door.

Rufus can't help but laugh, even if it comes out with no actual amusement. Tseng thinks he took the pet name as meaning regret, and it's so petty that it drives home just how Tseng sees him. Rufus is not about to admit that the problem was memories of his mother, not to somebody who thinks so little of him. It's no wonder the man has no idea Rufus knows about his unfaithfulness.

"Offense wouldn't be the correct word, one would think," Rufus eventually replies, walking over to stand next to Tseng. He intends the movement to force the man to turn towards him and stop staring at the door like an animal looking for escape from its cage. "You are far too much like this damn city," he adds, wishing that both the things he desired would stop slipping through his fingers like wisps of smoke. 

Suddenly he feels so tired of fighting, deep into his bones, and he is done with playing this game of self destruction that goes nowhere but down. 

"But that is not why I am here." He takes a breath, and his emotions flatline as he decides on an escape route in the hope of getting his head together in peace. It is the only solution he can think of to try and save his sanity. "I've come to inform you that I'm going away on a business trip. I'd like to request Elena accompany me. I'm not sure how long it will take, but I will not return for some time."

"What? Why Elena and not me?" Tseng suddenly insists, and as Rufus spies him in his peripheral vision, he notices the older man's hand fall back to his side... as if it was in the process of reaching out to touch him. 

The blond turns without thought and he stares at those fingers he will always long to feel, no matter how many others they touch.

"I can hardly take the head Turks time so selfishly," Rufus replies stiffly, the pain inside rising up again to strangle his heart and suck out all of his strength. "Besides, you have other... _things_ that demand your attention."

He can't help but look up... he knows he shouldn't, knows Tseng's eyes will see too much, but it's impossible to resist the other man when he has no defenses left to hide behind. They stare at each other and for the first time, Rufus lets his pain show.

"I'm so sorry," Tseng eventually whispers, words strangled out as if he hates to have to utter them. Rufus sees the realization in the other man's eyes, because finally Tseng has worked out that Rufus knows what he did with the other two. There is guilt there too, in those beautiful brown eyes, and the sight of it makes Rufus smile because it is something... not much, but at least he has enough value to touch Tseng's conscience.

"Not as sorry as I am."

It is the first honest thing Rufus has said this whole conversation and he is frozen by the expression on Tseng's face, drinking in that little ray of guilt as if it is the love he's been dreaming of all along.

Then Tseng's phone rings, pulling the other man's eyes away to his pocket, and Rufus is free from that paralyzing gaze. He is turning and heading for the door in a heartbeat, the remaining tendrils of his discarded pride the only thing stopping him from running.

***.***


	2. 20 - Tumultuous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tseng is retrieved barely alive after his confrontation with Sephiroth, and Rufus is set on revenge. Rufus' side of events from chapter 20, Temple, Alphabet Character Study Tseng.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning - This chapter contains verbal abuse in a sexual setting and dubious consent.

The beeps of the life support machine are too loud, but Rufus can't help but be thankful for each one, even if his nerves are strung so tight that each beep plucks at his heart and makes disturbing vibrations inside his soul.

He shouldn't even be here.

His common sense keeps screaming at him to get up and go, handle all the things he knows he should be doing right now instead of torturing himself beep by beep. His body won't rise though, his eyes glued to Tseng's form as the older man fights for his life, skin the color of a corpse and body broken and abused.

Rufus can't pull his eyes away, even as the anger inside of him starts to eat away at his mind, making visions of torturing the perpetrator flick through his scattered thoughts and bring a smile to his face. It's amazing how inventive one's imagination can be, given the right inspiration, and Rufus right now feels a passion for destruction, invigorated by visions of pain and suffering he has never even considered before.

The phone in his pocket begins to trill again, and he ignores it, absently noticing how the sound matches the beat of the life support machine, each one a symbol of existence that Rufus both detests, and adores. He is President now, finally getting the position he has yearned for all his life, but it's a sour victory at most. The same being who caused his rise to power, also tried to steal away Tseng's life, and Rufus realizes that losing Tseng was the one price he wasn't willing to pay for Midgar.

"Ya can't sit here all day."

Rufus ignores the voice behind him, eyes studying the fall and rise of Tseng's chest, the shudder of muscle every time the machine forces breathe to expand those recently healed ribs. Sephiroth's sword managed to sever two clean through, but luckily both were healed before they managed to puncture a lung. Nobody knows who tried to heal Tseng, who carried him outside of the Temple and set off a distress signal on his communicator, but Rufus wants to find out. It doesn't make sense that Sephiroth would do so, after what he'd done. The poison on his blade was the only thing holding Tseng on the edge of death, after all, every other injury healed.

"Is there any word on Sephiroth's location yet?" Rufus asks, his voice flat and as lifeless as Tseng appears to be.

"Nah, but Avalanche were seen leaving the area earlier. My guess is they're the ones who helped Tseng. Ain't nobody else all the way out there."

Avalanche... his enemies saving the man he loves. How ironic that would be when the general, who's supposed to work for him, was the one who tried to kill Tseng in the first place. Unfortunately, crushing Tseng's heart and body wasn't enough for the rogue general... no, now he was trying to destroy the planet as well, Midgar being the focus point for his insanity as he pulls a meteor down from the heavens upon them. As if it wasn't bad enough already, with the planet itself sending huge monsters called Weapons to attack the cities.

"Tuesti's pushin' for an evacuation of Midgar. Word is the Weapons are unbeatable."

"Rats running away," Rufus mumbles, scowling as he finally tears his eyes from Tseng's form and pulls the phone from his pocket. There's a variety of missed calls and texts, all from people he cares little for, but one catches his eye. It's the Shinra executives, and somebody has a plan. "Reno, stay here with Tseng and call me if there's any change. I have a meeting I need to attend. Rude and Elena will accompany me."

Reno only nods, eyes on Rufus as the blond stands and pauses, his gaze back on Tseng. He'll have his revenge for this against Sephiroth, one way or the other.

***.***

The next morning, Rufus is surprised to find Reno waiting for him when he wakes, inside his bedroom. It's a breach of privacy he has no patience for, apart from the fact he'd left the Turk with orders to stay by Tseng's side.

"Elena is with him. I needed to talk to you," the redhead explains, face a mask of stubborn seriousness that Rufus hasn't seen before.

"That explains why you're not with him, but what the fuck are you doing here, inside my private rooms?" Rufus demands, sitting upright in his bed and glaring at the redhead. "You take liberties you have no right to. I thought Tseng trained his dogs better than this."

Reno growls, but doesn't bite back, turning away from the blond and seeming to breathe in deeply for a moment, as if to calm his temper. Rufus has the urge to push more, just to see if he'll bite. The images of Tseng's infidelity, with this man and Rude, play through his mind, a re-run he can't escape and by the time Reno turns around again, Rufus is all calm, deadly aggression.

"This plan, to move the canon from Junon, it's fuckin' insane and you know it. It's only gonna draw more fuckin' Weapons to Midgar, and that's if it don't blow up the reactors and the whole fuckin' city with the overload of power. There's gotta be another way to break the barrier around the Northern Crater and get to Sephiroth. Fuck, Rufus, what are ya thinkin'?"

"I am thinking it's none of your business, and Elena should have kept her mouth shut about what was discussed in that meeting. What makes you think your opinion matters to me, or to anyone for that matter? You're nothing... just a dog that thinks he has the right to bark, all because he licked his master's balls," Rufus sneers at the redhead. 

The expression twists into a smirk when Reno only stares back at him, face reddening with held back anger. It's so satisfying to see that Rufus can't help but continue to taunt Reno's temper. 

"Be thankful I don't have you exterminated for the pest you are, and have enough sense to stay out of my sight. I gave you an order to guard Tseng, and I suggest you do so before I forget how much you mean to him and have you put down."

"So, this is what ya become? Turning on friends just because their opinion differs from yours?" Reno asks, voice unusually low and void of emotion.

"You call yourself a friend?" Rufus spits, standing up from his bed and stalking over to face the redhead up close. "A friend wouldn't have gone behind my back to fuck my lover, would he? You're no friend to me... and more than likely, you never intended to be. You just did what was best for the Turks, what Tseng wanted you to do, and he's not part of the picture anymore, so quit your crap and get the fuck out of my room."

"Make me," Reno retorts, a sneer finally curling his lips. Rufus feels the satisfaction of finally getting to see the real Reno, not the Tseng approved manipulative bastard he's been dealing with so far. "Come on, princess. Ya think ya can force me?"

"Is that what Tseng said the first time you tried to get into his pants?" Rufus retorts, feeling alive again for the first time since Tseng came back to him broken and barely breathing. "It would explain why this last time, you got him so drunk first that he could barely stand... or is that how all your conquests end up, Reno?"

The next thing Rufus knows, he's flying backwards, the redhead tackling him onto his bed and pinning him down to his silken sheets. He fights, kicking and thrashing, but even biting the redhead has no effect, Reno's face a mask of pure anger and seething resentment that only adds to Rufus' own rage.

"Fuckin' little whore bitch," Reno growls, his own breaths coming fast as he glares down at Rufus, murder in his expression that has Rufus hardening in an instant. "If ya had the balls to fuck him like 'e wanted, I'd a never had an in at all. Maybe I ought a thank ya for being a spineless little prick?"

"Thank me for giving you the opportunity to date rape your mentor? Please, isn't that giving me too much credit?" Rufus hisses, digging his fingernails into Reno's hands that hold his own so tightly. "Tell me, dog... did your little night of passion heal the hole in your heart I made when I stole Tseng from you in the first place?"

"Fuck up," Reno growls, teeth bared and fury clear. "Ya know shit, princess. Nothin' at all about me an' him. Ya never gonna be part a his life like I am, never gonna be as close no matter how many times ya bare ya ass and let him fuck it. Ya just a pretty little hole, a means to an end."

"And yet he still prefers me to you," Rufus murmurs victoriously, smirk widening.

Reno opens his mouth to retort, but suddenly pauses. Rufus wonders why for a moment, but then the redhead moves a little on top of him, and the fury on Reno's face twists into cruel amusement. Rufus can only pale as he realizes what the redhead has just discovered.

"Ya fuckin' hard," Reno murmurs, smirk growing as he moves so that his thigh rubs against Rufus' erection, making the blond gasp at the sudden pressure. "Ya dirty little whore, this is all just foreplay to ya."

"Fuck you... get off me!" Rufus hisses, face blushing scarlet as shame washes over him, the game well and truly lost now.

"You don't want that, not really, do ya princess? More like you want me ta get ya off," Reno accuses, leaning in close. "Maybe I should hold ya down and fuck ya till ya apologize for all that poison you just spewed at me. How much could ya take before ya broke, I wonder?"

"You break me and Tseng will break you," Rufus insists, eyes widening as Reno's hips start up a rhythm. He has to bite down on his bottom lip to force the moans to stay down.

"Like ya said before yourself," Reno mutters, leaning in so close that his breath tickles Rufus' lips. "He's not part of the picture anymore, so cut your crap."

"You fuck me and I'll have you killed," Rufus warns, earning himself a hard push down from Reno that forces out a whimper he can't contain. He can feel his cheeks burning, but it only adds to the pleasure, confusion mixing with everything else as he stares up at Reno.

"There's lots I can do without fucking you," Reno whispers harshly, his own lips pulling back to show his teeth as he shamelessly grinds against Rufus. "You ever sucked a cock, princess? Ever had your face fucked?"

Rufus moans embarrassingly loud at the questions, but he's beyond fighting at this point. Reno's presence is too overpowering as he keeps up the hip action, forcing pleasure to build and overtake the previous rage Rufus couldn't contain.

"Reno... please," Rufus groans out, back arching as his hips push up, wanting more.

"Yeah, that's it little whore. Beg for it... let me hear how much you want my cock."

It's all too much, and Rufus is coming in his pajamas in moments, lost in how good it feels to be held down and forced to feel so much at once. He's never experienced anything like it before, those dirty words pushing all the buttons inside he didn't even know he had. As the pleasure fades, Rufus can only stare up at Reno, startled by how deep his own perversions go.

Reno climbs off the bed, and Rufus is confused, because he knows the redhead hasn't found his own climax. For a moment, he fears that it's already over and Reno is simply going to walk away... 

Reno though, isn't finished with him yet.

Suddenly, the redhead leans back over the bed and grabs his arm, pulling him across the bed and onto the floor. Rufus looks up wide eyed as he's pushed to kneel and Reno grabs a fistful of his hair to keep their eyes locked together.

Rufus is so dazed that he doesn't fight any of it. His mouth is still open a little, panting for breath, and Reno uses the opportunity to shove his cock in the blond's mouth, making Rufus whimper out a sound of distress at the sudden invasion.

"Yeah, that's better, on your knees where ya belong. Time to put that mouth ta better use, princess," Reno drawls, his hips rolling as he starts with shallow thrusts. "Now suck."

Rufus obeys, unsure why he does in the moment. His hands hang unrestrained at his sides, but he doesn't lift them, or try to stop this in any way. It's only a mater of minutes before Reno starts to thrust faster, taking his pleasure as Rufus stares up at him, enthralled with the way the redhead moans and arches, so free and unashamed in the midst of passion.

"Fuck, yes," Reno hisses, the hand in Rufus' hair unclenching to caress, a gentle counterbalance to the force with which the redhead is using the blond's mouth. "Suck me, with that little filthy mouth. Ya just a dirty little whore when all's said an' done, wanting cock in every hole."

Rufus growls around the mouthful in objection, the only sound he can make with Reno fucking his face, but it's just his pride talking, and they both know it. He could easily bite, but he doesn't, instead sucking harder as he feels his own cock hardening again, out of sight of Reno's hungry gaze.

"Fuck, ya so good at sucking cock, princess. Could fuck ya filthy little mouth all day."

Rufus whimpers, because it feels like such a compliment somehow, and that thought is so thrilling when he knows it shouldn't be. There's something about the way Reno takes his pleasure from him that burns away everything else, leaving the blond as nothing more than a heartbeat, just a life with no other connections. 

It's only a minute before Rufus is hard and aching again, and this time he shoves a hand down his pants to pleasure himself, ignoring the sticky mess already there. At least it makes it slippery, easier to glide his cock through his own fist as he continues to suck Reno's cock, staring up at the redhead as if making him come is his only purpose in life.

Luckily, Reno isn't looking back down at him, so his self pleasure is his own secret. The redhead has his head back, staring at the ceiling as if the sight of Rufus is unimportant... and somehow, it only adds to the thrill. Rufus can feel when Reno is close, the redhead's thrusts becoming erratic until, suddenly, Reno's hand in his hair grips tight.

Just as the redhead starts to climax, he pulls out, stealing away Rufus' reward and coming all over the blond's face. The sudden feel of it... the surprise... the shame... it has Rufus squeezing his eyes closed and coming again himself immediately, whimpering like the whore Reno keeps calling him, as he climaxes in his pajamas a second time.

For a time there is nothing but the sounds of their breathing, and Rufus doesn't move except for slipping his hand out of his pants. His eyes are still squeezed closed, as he tries to deal with the shock of his own reactions to all of this... and Reno's hand is still in his hair.

The redhead's hand starts to gently card through the strands, and it's so odd... so out of place in lieu of what's just occurred. Then again, none of this is making any sense to Rufus right now.

"Rufus."

Apart from one nervous swallow, Rufus doesn't respond. He has no idea what to say, and just the thought of having to meet Reno's eyes... it's too much.

"Are you... okay?"

Reno's voice is so concerned... and Rufus frowns, because he can't deal with any of this, not now when everything is so fucked up. He manages a nod, because he knows Reno will insist on some kind of reply.

"Do you... fuck," Reno begins, sounding as lost as he is, but that hand is still petting the blond nevertheless. "Do you want me to stay and clean you up?" Reno finally manages, tone so unsure. "Or do you want me to leave?"

"Leave," Rufus replies, jumping on the option. He needs time to decide how he feels, as he can't think at all with Reno's come still painting his face.

The hand in his hair falters, and for a moment, Rufus almost opens his eyes. Instead he raises his clean hand and puts it over Reno's in his hair, giving it a quick squeeze.

"I'm okay. I need... some time," he manages, and Reno's hand finally slips away, leaving Rufus' hovering in the air until it drops back to his side.

"Alright," Reno mumbles, the sound of clothing being put to rights filling Rufus' ears before there's footsteps walking away. 

By the time the door to his room closes, the blond is shaking with the effort of keeping still. Finally opening his eyes, Rufus Shinra stands up on shaky legs and heads straight for the shower to wash away the proof of what's just occurred.

***.***

It's a week before it happens again, this time in the men's bathroom on the executive floor of the Shinra tower. Rufus is so hungry for it by then, that he taunts Reno all morning, having to go so far as to insult the redhead's mother before Reno loses his temper enough to relent and give him what he needs. Luckily, they're in the bathroom at the time, and Reno just pushes him into a cubicle and makes him sit on the toilet before shoving his cock into Rufus' eager mouth.

This time, Rufus gets to swallow and it's almost as good. Considering he still has a meeting to attend to in fifteen minutes, it's also the most sensible course and he's surprised that Reno has thought that far ahead. There's not as much abuse this time, but considering the semi public location, that too is a wise choice. Reno still whispers poison though, and Rufus is so hard by the time he's swallowing down the redhead's spunk, that he figures he'll deal with his own arousal when Reno leaves the cubicle.

But the redhead doesn't leave. Reno drops to his knees and returns the favor, making Rufus orgasm in a matter of minutes, sitting on the toilet like the perverse creature he's become.

Reno kisses his thigh afterwards, and Rufus hisses at the affectionate touch as if it burns his skin.

***.***

"He's stabilized enough to breathe on his own now, but the drip and catheter will be essential until a cure is found."

The doctor's voice is nervous, and Rufus knows that's his fault. This was a new doctor, after all, since Rufus had stabbed the first one in the stomach with a pen when he'd insisted Tseng would never wake up. It was simple enough to change defeatist attitudes if one was willing to be firm.

"That won't be a problem. There are medical staff where he's going," Rufus murmurs, eyes on Tseng as his hand cards through the Head Turk's hair, absently. "Your presence is no longer needed."

The doctor leaves without a word, and Rufus doesn't turn to watch him go, knowing Reno has his back.

"Lena should be here any minute," the redhead informs him once the door is closed, but he doesn't come any closer. The silence that grows between them is awkward, as it always is in Tseng's presence, even if the older Turk can't hear or see them. The coma that grips him is absolute, although the staff at the Healin' Lodge seem to be confident all is not lost... and Rufus appreciates their positivity enough to put Tseng in their care for now. After all, if they fail, they've already been informed of the price they'll pay.

"You should go with him."

The statement is unexpected, enough so that Rufus turns to look at Reno, finding the redhead staring back at him, expression closed and showing nothing.

"I'm the President. The city won't run itself, and the next few weeks will be crucial. I'm sure Elena and Rude will guard him well and ensure he gets the treatment I'm paying for," Rufus begins, turning back to Tseng to resume carding his fingers through the older man's hair. "Or is it just that _you_ wish to go with him?"

"Nah," Reno huffs out, voice low but determined. "I know where he'd want me ta be, so you're stuck with me. 'Sides, who's gonna fuck ya pretty face if I ain't here to do it?"

Rufus' hand freezes in place as his eyes widen, and he's about to turn around and explode at the redhead for daring to say such a thing, when there's a sudden knock at the door. Reno makes a sound of amusement as he goes to open it, leaving Rufus to try to pull himself back under control, as the redhead greats Elena at the door.

"How's he doing, Sir?" she asks, walking over to stand beside Rufus and giving him a smile.

"I think his color looks better this morning," Rufus replies softly, frowning as he stares at Tseng, trying to see if there's any other change.

"You're right, he does look better," she agrees, turning to look over the Head Turk. "This trip will be a success, and there's nothing like fresh mountain air for someone recovering from an illness. We'll have him back on his feet in no time, Sir."

Rufus smiles, finally removing his hands from Tseng and taking one last look at his unconscious form.

"Just remember to come visit whenever you're able, okay?" she adds, and Rufus can only nod because suddenly emotions are building inside that he was unprepared for... not wanting to let Tseng go at the top of the pile, as he forces his feet to just move.

"We will come as soon as there's time," Rufus manages, and then he's out the door, not looking back as he heads for his office, the sound of Reno's footsteps behind him an oddly stabilizing beat.

***.***

In the end, there never is any time.

Rufus glares out the window of the Shinra tower in the direction of the Northern Crater, determination the only emotion he can afford to feel right now. The weapon is approaching, and he knows this will be his only chance to take it out and open that barrier around Sephiroth's location at the same time. Even if the canon is unable to fire again after, he knows Avalanche will finish the job of ending Sephiroth.

It's a little sour, that he can't kill the general himself... make him suffer as Tseng has. At this point though, he just wants it to happen, whether by his hands or another's. Why Reno doesn't get this one point, he'll never understand.

He's managed to send the redhead from his side, but it'd taken some doing. Reno had been oddly protective of him in the last week, and organizing this moment right now, with the canon ready to fire and Reno elsewhere had been a logistical nightmare. Rufus had succeeded though, and Reno was out of harms way for now, just as Tseng would wish.

"Hah, hah, hah, Mr. President. Preparations for the Sister Ray are now in order," Heidegger's aggravating voice chortled across the intercom, pulling Rufus from his thoughts and making him turn and scowl at the speaker on his desk.

"Ha ha ha. Anytime is fine," Scarlet's voice adds, making Rufus roll his eyes. The two have spent so much time on this project that they're even starting to laugh similarly, a sickening achievement at best. Rufus chuckles humorlessly at the thought of them as a couple, turning back to the window as the floor beneath him starts to vibrate with all the held back energy of the canon.

"... Fire."

***.***


	3. 21 - Unattainable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tseng finally wakes up and Rufus discovers he has no choice but to share him with Reno. Rufus' version of events from chapter 21 Ubiquity, Alphabet character study Tseng.

Rufus relives the explosion in his dreams most nights, and this night is no exception. It's never exactly the same, as his subconscious is far too fucked up to be satisfied with a simple rerun of the event. Sometimes Tseng is there in various roles, burning up in the flames with him or trying to protect Rufus from them. 

There's even been a couple of times when Tseng was the one causing the flames, hands held out in front of him like some kind of beautiful demigod, stone faced and deaf to the sounds of Rufus' screams.

The worst part isn't the addition of Tseng though, as disturbing as it may be. The worst part is always the recurring sensations of pain. Rufus will never forget what it felt like to burn, how portions of his skin had melted and bubbled as he was partially roasted alive, curled into a ball, hiding from the worst of the explosion under his father's desk. 

In that moment, he'd felt a fear unlike anything he'd ever experienced before, and it always returns just as intense, with every repeat performance. All alone and helpless, feeling the vest Tseng had especially procured to protect him as it slowly fuses with the skin on his back, Rufus tries to suck in a breath to scream, only to find there's not enough air.

"Hurts...," he manages to mumble, unaware he has spoken out loud as he cycles through the memories in his sleep. One of his hands is clenched in the bedding under the pillow, but he otherwise doesn't move, all turmoil condensed into a whirlwind of agony inside his head.

Suddenly there is warm breath teasing his hair, and it's an anomaly of sensation that interrupts the nightmares usual flow. In the midst of the explosion there is nothing so gentle, and while it's warm, it shouldn't even be noticeable through the blaze around him. With a jolt, he opens his eyes to find Tseng's usually dormant body has moved closer, and the warm breath tussling the top of his head is coming from the older man.

"Tseng?" he asks into the sudden silence, the roar of the explosion still echoing in his ears. When there is no reply, Rufus pushes himself up off the pillow to look at Tseng's face, and all his thoughts grind to a halt at what he sees.

Tseng's brown eyes are open and instead of the hazy blank stare that he's become so familiar with, Rufus is stunned to find recognition shining back at him. The blond's brain can't correlate the discrepancy, not when he's spent weeks staring into a gaze that was always lost in another time and place, never seeing him or anything of the present.

Then Tseng frowns and Rufus' heart soars. He couldn't care less if it's a negative expression, because it's simply a response and it's everything he's been praying for.

"What happened to you?" Tseng asks, and despite how rough his voice as, it's still _his_ voice. Rufus feels as if his heart is trying to burst through his ribs from just hearing it, and he struggles just to breathe in the intensity of the moment. Even when Tseng's frown deepens, it does nothing to detract from Rufus' happiness.

"Who hurt you?" Tseng insists, and there's a definite edge of anger there, as if his Turk is ready to drag himself out of bed to go and deal with some perpetrator, simply because they've damaged Rufus. 

It's all too much for the blond to take, emotions already stretched too thin from his constant nightmares. He's moving in an instant, diving to embrace Tseng because he needs to touch, needs to feel those arms finally around him again... and he needs it right now.

Tseng gasps, coughing and fighting for air, and the sounds pull the near hysteria Rufus is feeling back under control in an instant. Jumping off the older man, Rufus mumbles apologies as he pulls Tseng to sit up, holding a glass of water for him as he supports the familiar body that now weighs far too little and is trying to crumple in on itself with a total lack of strength. Rufus pulls Tseng against his side tightly, using his own body to support the Turk as he waits for him to recover his breath.

"W-what is wrong with me?" Tseng finally asks, fear replacing the earlier anger. 

It's something Rufus hates to hear, as Tseng has always been, and should always be an unbreakable source of strength. There is a preciousness in this weakness though, and Rufus feels the urge to take advantage, but his heart quickly overrules the momentary slip. What Tseng needs right now is comfort and Rufus will try to provide it, even if it is as foreign to the blond as the country from which Tseng hales.

"You're alright, you're going to be all right," Rufus manages awkwardly, but it all just sounds like a lie, even to his own ears. It's frustrating to be gifted with Tseng's awakening only to find himself failing to provide the needed support, doubly so when he knows Reno would succeed in his place. The thought of the redhead only adds to his discourse, as Rufus believes Tseng would rather have awakened to Reno than himself.

"It's just... you've been sick so long. You kept waking up, or kind of waking up, but your fever was so high that you couldn't understand what we were saying. You'd thrash about sometimes and other times you'd just stare into space, mumbling... but you weren't really there," Rufus rambles as he tries to push down the jealousy building in his mind. 

He's just the only one available, never the preferred option, and the realization that his father's constant derisions of the past are still so true today, steals the joy of Tseng's recovery from him. His next words are calmer, flattened out by that familiar despair.

"The doctor said that you'll experience some weakness and discomfort when you wake, but she insisted that it will pass in a few weeks as you regain your strength. She said the possibility of long term side effects was very low because somebody used healing materia on you quickly, thus limiting the long term damage."

" _Some_ weakness?" Tseng states as his head falls to rest on Rufus' shoulder. 

The blond's arm tightens a little more around Tseng's waist as he tries to come to terms with how much he's enjoying Tseng's helplessness, simply because it's making the other man lean on him. Pathetic just doesn't seem like a strong enough word for what Rufus has become.

With an exhale of defeat, Rufus returns the empty glass to the bedside table, freeing up his hand to run through Tseng's hair. It's an awkward gesture for him, but he keeps it up, greedy to absorb as much of this imaginary affection he can while Tseng's confusion lasts.

"Is there any pain at all? Do you want to lie back down?" the blond asks on automatic.

"No, no pain, just a little muddled and very weak," Tseng replies, his voice sounding as if he's drifting back to sleep again. 

Rufus isn't worried by his lack of stamina, as the doctor had already informed him that Tseng would only be awakening for short periods at first. His strength will be slow to return, but Rufus doesn't doubt it will, now that the worst is over.

"Wait. How long have I been ill and what caused it?" Tseng suddenly demands.

"You don't remember?" Rufus asks, panicking internally at the possibility.

Then Tseng lifts his head to meet Rufus' gaze and the blond can only stare back. He doesn't have a clue where to begin explaining.

"And you still haven't told me what happened to your eye," Tseng adds, eyes hard and determined.

"I'm sorry. Fuck, I'm doing this all wrong," Rufus mutters, blushing as he looks away. No wonder Tseng is angry when all he finds on waking up is the last person he probably wanted to see. Reno should be here, comforting and holding Tseng, giving him exactly what he wants and needs. "He's supposed to be here to help when you wake up, but of course, the only time I actually want him here, he's not. _Fucking redheads..._ ," Rufus mutters under his breath, wishing he could hate Reno enough to remove him from the equation. While that path would win him Tseng, he knows that it would only be a temporary victory. Reno is the one Tseng needs, and he has the skills to help Tseng recover and work through his pain. Rufus can't even manage this first step.

"Do you mean Reno?" Tseng asks, and the ignorance of his tone grabs Rufus' attention, making the blond turn to look at Tseng again. Rufus is just in time to see the sudden expression of shock take over the older man's features before Tseng freezes in place.

"Tseng?" he calls, fear rising as he gets no response. 

Then Tseng jerks alarmingly before passing out, and all Rufus can do is yell his name. By the time Rude hears the commotion and comes to investigate, Rufus is leaning over Tseng's body on the bed, shaking him to try and force a response in his panic. The dark Turk doesn't pause to question, walking over and wrapping his arms around the hysterical blond and pulling him away.

"Put me the fuck down!" Rufus screams, trying unsuccessfully to kick the bigger man's legs in the hope of gaining his escape.

"Not until you calm down," Rude mutters, holding the blond tightly to his chest, both arms wrapped around him tight enough to restrain Rufus' arms as well as hold him off the floor. "You'll harm Tseng otherwise. He'll wake when he's ready to wake."

"He already woke up, you idiot!" Rufus yells, still struggling, but his volume is reducing. "And then he just passed out again, almost like he had a damn seizure or something."

"Then we need to call the doctor," Rude states calmly, putting Rufus down on the floor, but keeping an arm around his waist and dragging him with Rude over to the phone.

"Oh, for fuck's sake, let me go!" Rufus demands, hysteria turning to anger at the treatment. 

Rude simply ignores him in favor of picking up the phone and calling the medical staff, while Rufus flails and hits him ineffectively. Once Rude hangs up from the call, he turns and picks Rufus up again, throwing him over one shoulder effortlessly. 

"What the fuck is wrong with you? Let me down now!"

Rufus doesn't think he's ever been so humiliated in his life as Rude walks out into the hall... but then he looks up from his position over Rude's shoulder and sees a smirking Reno, standing in the hallway with Elena. She at least has the decency to look shocked.

"Woah, big guy! What ya doing with the princess?" Reno chuckles out, easily avoiding the punch Rufus tries to hit him with.

"Hiding him from the medical staff until he calms down. Tseng woke up and then passed out again. Get them to check him over and then come and see us in your room," Rude states, not pausing or turning around. Rufus is sadistically pleased with how quickly Rude's words wipe that smirk from Reno's face, at least. The redhead then turns and disappears into Rufus' bedroom to check on Tseng, leaving Elena looking back and forth between them all in confusion.

"I... I suppose that means I need to greet the medical staff at the door then?" she asks nobody in particular, shooting Rufus an apologetic look before turning away to do just that.

Rufus can't believe this is happening, and he's only getting angrier as Rude walks him down the hall and enters Reno's room. When he's finally pulled from the man's shoulder and dropped on the bed, he tries to kick out at the bigger man, but unfortunately, Rude seems to have seen it coming and catches his leg in one of his big hands.

"Sir, you need to calm down," he states calmly, and it only infuriates Rufus even more.

"Don't you dare try and tell me what to do!" Rufus growls from his undignified sprawl flat on his back on Reno's bed, one leg still held up in the air. "You're supposed to work for me and do what I say!"

"I do work for you, in your best interests. It's not in your best interest for the medical staff to see you like this, nor is it in your best interests to shake Tseng when he is already weak and recovering from a serious illness. You'd never forgive yourself if you harmed him in your hysteria, would you, Sir?" Rude explains stiffly, finally dropping the blond's leg and letting it fall to the bed.

"I'm not hysterical!" Rufus yells, before flinching at how... well, hysterical, he sounds. This is what annoys him the most about Rude. The big bastard doesn't say much, but when he does choose to speak, he's always too damn smart about what he says.

"Just lie down and be patient. Reno will stay with Tseng while they check him over, and then come and tell us what the prognosis is," Rude insists, sitting on the edge of the bed stubbornly. Rufus could try and fight his way past, but he finally concedes it's pointless as he crosses his arms stubbornly and glares at the roof.

An hour passes too slowly as they wait, and so far only Elena has come in, sent by the doctor to ask for more details. Rufus has settled down enough to relax into the sheets, the stress wearing him out more quickly than it used to. He is still building back his own strength after the Weapon's attack on the Shinra tower, and as tired as he feels, he refuses to go back to sleep. He's had enough nightmares for one day, and he doesn't want to miss Reno's return with news of how Tseng is doing.

He hates having to wait in Reno's bedroom, of all places. He can smell the redhead everywhere and the pull of arousal is as aggravating as the man himself. Rude is never one for random conversation, so Rufus has nothing to distract him from thinking over the last time he was here, lying beside Reno as they... partook in some stress relief. 

Rufus wishes he could stay away from Reno. He's not looking forward to admitting to Tseng what he's done with the redhead, and his worry is not lessoned by the fact that his relationship with Tseng was over, or the fact that Tseng fooled around with Reno too. That was just the one time, while he and Reno have been fooling around for weeks now... but Reno is insistent that they come clean as soon as possible. Rufus has a bad feeling it's only going to anger Tseng, and he's leaning more towards Tseng being mad at him, than at Reno. After all, Reno is the one Tseng is so protective of all the time, and Rufus is sure that he loves the redhead far more than he will ever love him.

"Seriously, you two are the most depressing bastards on the planet," Reno suddenly states, making Rufus jump a little in surprise. The chuckle from the redhead is expected, as is the sigh from Rude as he stands to leave. "Hey, don't ya wanna hear about Tseng?" Reno asks him, stepping out of the bigger man's way.

"Is he alright?" Rude murmurs, pausing in the doorway.

"Yeah. The doc says his heart rate increased too fast, from stress and shit, and being so weak at the moment he just passed out like that," Reno explains, clicking his fingers.

Rude nods and then continues out the door, closing it behind him as Reno stares after him, looking as if he expected more. The silence is uncomfortable, and Rufus just watches from his spot lying on the bed, wondering about whatever happened to the two of them being together, but knowing he'd never feel like he had the right to ask. There is something else he wants to ask though.

"Reno, what makes them so sure it was his heart rate increasing? He was only sitting still at the time, and I didn't tell him anything upsetting," Rufus murmurs, feeling a little miffed that everyone seems to just assume he upset Tseng in some way and caused this.

Reno snaps out of his contemplation of the door at Rufus' question, walking over to flop down on the bed next to the blond.

"Well, ya said he looked shocked all of a sudden," the redhead explains, turning on his side to face Rufus. "And that before that he didn't seem to remember what happened at the Temple. The doc thinks he probably remembered something and the sudden shock overloaded his systems, ya know? He's still so weak physically speaking, but the doc says everything looks good, so there's no sign of anything else being the problem."

"He shouldn't be alone when he wakes up again then," Rufus states, refusing to meet Reno's eyes, though he can just see them looking at him in his peripheral vision. "You should be there this time."

"I'd a thought you'd wanna be there," Reno says, reaching out to play with a lock of Rufus' hair. The blond is used to Reno's compulsive touching by now, and doesn't react when he knows it means nothing. "Or did something happen last time you haven't mentioned?"

"You were supposed to be there when he woke up," Rufus accuses, swallowing around the memory of how awkward it had been... and how much he'd fucked it up. "I didn't know what to say... or do."

"Ya got him to drink some water, which is good. The doc's happy about that. As for what to say, I think ya just being there would a made a huge difference to Tseng," Reno explains, and the hand in Rufus' hair begins to wander, tracing Rufus' ear gently. "Tell me, what's the first thing ya said to him?"

"When I woke up, he was already awake, so I said his name," Rufus answers, a little distracted by the redhead's gentle touch. It's hard to concentrate on his words when he's so focused on that finger as it travels lower to play with the blond's earlobe.

"And then what?" Reno whispers, making Rufus swallow because he's using that damn tone of voice again. It's deeper than usual for the redhead, and it's a sure sign that Reno is hungry for more.

"I... I was a little too enthusiastic," Rufus admits, frowning because he really doesn't want to explain any further. Reno will just make fun of him and he's already embarrassed enough about throwing himself at Tseng and almost suffocating the man with his childish impulse.

Reno leans in and chuckles softly in his ear before he licks a single line up the side of Rufus' throat. It's enough to make Rufus' eyes flutter closed, his head tilting to one side in a silent request for more.

"Hmm... I do love it when you get enthusiastic," Reno whispers, nuzzling that spot just behind Rufus' ear that always undoes him. The redhead's hand finds it's way to Rufus' waist, slipping in under his night shirt to trace lines around his belly button with a single finger tip. Rufus wants that touch to go lower, but he still has too much pride to ask. 

"So tell me, what did you do?" Reno asks again, tongue and teeth playing up the side of Rufus' neck. The blond doesn't want to answer, but they've played this game before and he knows the rules too well. He has to keep answering, or Reno will stop touching, and Rufus needs the touching more than he needs anything else at the moment... even his pride eventually taking a second place.

"I embraced him," Rufus finally admits, his face heating at the memory. Reno pauses for a moment, but then continues his taunting touches once more.

"Enthusiastic embracing?" the redhead murmurs, giving Rufus a bite that makes him gasp, his hips twitching up a little in a silent plea for attention. Reno's hand on his waist moves lower, teasing the skin just under the waistband but not slipping all the way under where the blond wants it. There is one questing digit that stretches down enough to flick the head of Rufus' cock where it sits straining against the material of his boxer shorts, and the blond flinches from the tiny touch just as Reno speaks again. "Explain, princess."

"Don't call me that," Rufus hisses, but it's a sad attempt at redirection, and they both know it. Reno doesn't even bother to comment, and Rufus is soon surrendering, because the need for more always wins. "I... I threw myself at him and winded him," he finally concedes, staring up at the roof as he awaits his chastisement.

Reno just laughs, his hand finally slipping under the waistband of Rufus' pants and boxers, and wrapping around the blond's cock. Rufus gasps at the touch, surprised that it was so easily achieved when Reno should be mad at him.

"You're very eager," Reno chuckles, fist already pumping in all the right ways.

Rufus tries to keep up with the conversation but his hips are already pushing up into every stroke, face blushing at his own neediness. 

"And so very adorable. Why'd you think I'd be mad that you glomped the boss?"

"Cause... because I knocked the wind out of him. Fuck...," Rufus mumbles, his own hands grabbing the sides of his pants and pulling them down so he can watch Reno's hand working his cock. "I almost suffocated the poor man."

"I'm sure Tseng wouldn't mind dying that way," Reno continues to chuckle, laughing at Rufus and how he always needs too much. "'Sides, I know ya meant no harm, and I'm sure he knows it too. Might have shocked him a little though."

"Shocked myself," Rufus manages to gasp out, but then Reno shuffles around to swallow Rufus' cock, and the blond has nothing left but moans to give. Reno has him coming in mere moments, and Rufus is left a boneless mess on the bed, staring at the redhead as if he's some kind of incubus that exists just to make his life more unbearably problematic. 

He should stop this... but then he supposes that it's not like Tseng is going to be any less angry if he plays with Reno just a little more. 

"Come here," Rufus finally orders, patting the top of his chest. Reno is in the process of tucking the blond's cock back where it belongs, and as he finishes up, their eyes meet.

"What?" Rufus asks, and when he gets no answer, his annoyance kicks in. "Seriously, Reno. If you don't get up here and stick your dick in my mouth in the next 5 seconds, I'll change my mind."

"Oh, okay," Reno blurts out, seemingly shocked back into action by his words. Rufus frowns, because it means the redhead thought he wanted something else... a kiss maybe? Considering kissing is one of the few things they've never done, it's probably the culprit. He'd tease Reno about it, but at this point it'd be counter productive to piss him off, especially when he's about to be choking on the redhead's cock. Reno can be a vindictive bastard when he feels like it.

Rufus watches as Reno stands up off the bed for a moment, stripping off his clothes without any fuss. It's always a little confronting to Rufus, just how unashamed Reno is of his nakedness, but since the redhead respects his own opposite feelings on the subject, he doesn't comment.

"Where you want me, beautiful?" Reno asks as he kneels on the side of the bed, and the term of endearment throws Rufus for a moment, as it's one the redhead usually saves for Tseng. Reno doesn't seem to notice the slip though, so Rufus lets it go, shrugging it off as an accident.

"Straddle my shoulders," Rufus replies, and while it takes a moment for them both to shuffle into alignment, he decides it's well worth the trouble in the end. This position spreads Reno wide open over his chest, and leaves his hands lots of options to play while his mouth is busy. The blond begins to lick the length of Reno's cock like it's a lollypop, his hands just resting for now on the backs of Reno's thighs.

"Fuck, I love ya like this," Reno begins, and Rufus can't help but smirk up at the redhead when Reno takes a hold of his own cock to give it a couple of strokes. It's just starting to leak a little as he rubs the head over the side of Rufus' cheek, leaving a line of moisture in it's wake.

"Pervert," Rufus murmurs just before Reno's cock slides over his lips, painting them lightly with the redhead's enthusiasm. Rufus can't resist licking the redhead's taste from his lips, and he gets a smile from Reno as he opens his mouth to finally accept him inside.

"Hmm, yeah, just like that," Reno whispers, wasting no time in beginning a slow thrust in and out. So far it's only a shallow stroke, as while Reno may be completely shameless when it comes to sex, he is never an inconsiderate lover. "You suck cock so good... like your pretty little mouth was just made for it."

Rufus breathes out through his nose in a huff, but it only makes Reno's smile wider. The bastard knows these words annoy Rufus, but unfortunately, he also knows how much they turn him on as well.

By the time Reno is thrusting harder, almost choking Rufus with every stroke, the blond is achingly hard again beneath his sleep pants. The teasing words have become darker, and Rufus can only whine objectionable sounds in response to them, so turned on that he slips one hand away from where it's been playing between the redhead's thighs and fumbles it into his own pants. He's never masturbated in front of Reno before, but he can't help it in the moment, feeling as if he's going to explode if he doesn't get some relief.

Unfortunately, Reno is far too observant, even when close to climax, and something gives Rufus away, making the redhead glance behind him. Rufus just stares at the amused expression that turns back to look down at him, face flushing from embarrassment as well as exertion now.

"So dirty," Reno teases breathlessly, pausing his rhythm to press his cock in deep and hold it in place. 

Rufus almost chokes, eyes watering as he swallows around the obstruction blocking his throat. Then he feels one of Reno's hands feeling over his own down his pants, and his eyes widen because there is no way the redhead wont notice that he's stroking faster now, turned on by the mistreatment. 

"Yeah, that's it my little princess. Show me how much you love choking on my cock."

Rufus chokes for real at his words, and Reno withdraws instantly from his mouth while the blond coughs and fights for breath. He's still panting when he looks up at Reno and sees the concern on the redhead's face.

"More," Rufus gasps, voice rough but determined.

"Not like that," Reno states stubbornly.

Rufus opens his mouth to argue the point, but Reno takes the opportunity to shove his cock back into the blond's mouth, effectively muting him although it's not going as deep anymore. While Rufus can't help be confused by the mixed messages, he's far to close to coming to argue about it now, and gives himself up to pleasing Reno instead. 

"Look at you, little slut," Reno pants, leaning back again so his hand can slip under Rufus' pants and grip tight around the blond's own fingers on his cock. 

The redhead forces the strokes faster, making Rufus' cock hurt a little from the roughness, but it only makes it feel better somehow. Reno's eyes are locked on Rufus' face, studying every reaction so intently that even lost in the lust, Rufus feels a little uncomfortable with his gaze. 

"You got so fucking hot and hard, just from my cock being in your mouth. Ya know, that makes you a total cock whore."

Rufus whines around his mouthful, because he knows he's about to come again and Reno is still holding his own orgasm in check. It's so humiliating to be so weak to lust, but the shame only adds to the thrill.

"That's it you little cock whore," Reno continues, smirking evilly down at Rufus. "You fucking come again right now, like the needy little bitch you are."

Rufus' eyes squeeze closed as he climaxes, body jerking with the rolling waves of pleasure. Despite Reno's earlier refusal, the cock in his mouth is choking him now, pushed forward down his throat as he reflexively swallows around it, trying to find air in the midst of one of the strongest orgasms he's ever had. He's on the edge of passing out when Reno finally withdraws from his mouth, and as he gasps desperately for breath, vision blurred and head spinning, Reno strokes himself to completion all over Rufus' face. It's thoroughly disgusting, but Rufus smiles because it's exactly what he wanted.

For a time there is nothing but the sound of both men trying to catch their breaths, then Reno slides to the side to lay beside him and sighs.

"You're one fucked up kitten," Reno mutters, and Rufus just laughs at the statement, too blissed out to take offense. "Damn hot covered in come though," Reno adds with a chuckle, wiping a bit of his own seed off the side of Rufus' cheek. "You know, I ain't doing that to ya very often. Tseng would have my balls if I accidentally suffocated ya."

Rufus snickers at the thought, and finally opens his eyes. He can feel the come starting to dry on his skin, and he reaches for the edge of the bed sheet, using it to wipe off what he can. His amusement is short lived though, as he considers how Tseng would really react to this kink of his.

"Reno, can we not tell him about this?" Rufus asks, nerves making him feel a little queasy. "I don't think he'd understand, and I don't want him to look at me and... and...."

"Stupid," Reno suddenly interrupts, flicking the blond in the forehead with one finger. "Ya don't know shit about him if ya think that."

Rufus frowns, but lets the subject drop for now. He's too tired to argue, but he doubts Reno is going to run off to wake Tseng up just to tell him about it immediately. He has time, and after he's rested, he'll try to talk sense to the redhead again.

***.***

Rufus wakes up alone in Reno's bed, realizing that he's slept for some time since it's now dark outside. His head feels muddled, and as he wanders out and down the hall to the communal shower, he forgets to stop by his room for fresh clothes. He's so dirty and smelly in his pajamas that all he can think of is being clean, and he spends forever under the water, just enjoying its warm cleansing caress. It's only when he finally finishes up and steps out into the cool air to dry off that he realizes his mistake.

There's a full length mirror in the bathroom, and he stares at his reflection in it, disgust twisting his features. His hand rises to trace over one side of his torso, mapping out the edges of the scarring that leads around to cover his back, in an often repeated obsessive session of self loathing. 

He can remember clearly how Tseng used to gaze at his once perfect skin, the Turk's tongue tracing the soft, unblemished texture as he murmured words of appreciation at the beauty of it.

Swallowing down the sudden lump in his throat, Rufus' fingers flinch away from the scars to rise to his face. There is no visible scaring there, but the damage is obvious to Rufus, as he sees nothing out of one eye anymore. There's no need to cover it, but he still dries the area carefully and pulls out the first aid kit to reapply the patch over the useless organ. He's well aware he's just hiding it, and some nights, when he's more inclined to be brutally honest with himself, he admits that a part of him is still clinging to the delusion that it will somehow heal.

They have no bandages large enough to cover the scarring on his back though, and usually it's hidden enough under his clothing for Rufus to try and pretend it's not there at all. Stuck here in the bathroom with nothing but a towel around his waist, it's horribly confronting to have to look at it, and without clothes to cover the disgusting sight, there's no way he's stepping out into the hall. Besides, his clothes are in the room where Tseng is sleeping and if he were to wake up and see....

Rufus is still staring in the mirror trying to work out what he can possibly do, half an hour later, when a sudden knock on the door startles him.

"Sir? Is everything alright?"

It's Elena's voice, and Rufus relaxes a little as he recognizes it, but he still approached the door to stand awkwardly with his hands raised to stop any attempt to enter. It's not likely that she'll enter without his permission, but he can't help the reflex action.

"I... I forgot my clothes," he finally manages, flinching at how frightened his voice comes out.

"I'll retrieve them for you immediately, Sir. Wouldn't want you catching a cold, after all," Elena replies cheerily, and there's both relief and understanding in her tone.

Rufus exhales in relief as he hears her footsteps disappear down the hall, because he knows she'll handle it for him, quietly and discreetly. Just like all his first impressions of the Turks, his early judgments that she was nothing but another flakey, bubbly, brainless woman had been proven wrong, time and time again, and he holds a much different view of his only female Turk now. She'd taken on the roll of his primary carer after the explosion, despite how difficult he'd been to deal with at the time. Ever patient, understanding and concerned, Elena had never held his bad behavior against him. She'd also never flinched away from the sight of his injuries or looked at him as less because of them... something he still can't seem to manage himself.

It is only a mater of minutes before she returns and knocks on the door again. Rufus reaches out and pulls it open slowly, swallowing down his self revulsion at having to let another see him so exposed, even if she's seen it all before.

"I should give you a cash bonus," he mumbles as he takes the clothes, never able to find the right words to thank her with, because there are simply none to convey just how thankful he is for everything she has done for him.

"No need, Sir," she responds cheerily, giving him a grin and a wink when he glances at her face. "Just hoping to see you smile again now that Tseng is recovering. I'm also looking forward to missions in the future, once we all get back on course."

Rufus can't help but smile, as Elena is simply adorable in her enthusiasm for her job. She also happens to be the first female since his mother that he's cared even slightly about, and that makes her precious beyond compare.

"I promise, I'll have somebody for you to kill within a few months," he replies, holding the folded pile of clothes a little tighter to his chest. "It might even be Reno if he doesn't stop being an ass."

Elena laughs, bowing a little before turning and walking out the door.

"I'll be looking forward to it, doubly so if it's Reno," she calls back over her shoulder just before the door shuts. 

She always manages to lift his mood, and he refuses to glance back at the mirror as he dresses, only doing so once every part is covered so he can fix his hair and check everything is in its place. He's got plenty to do when it comes to recovering his empire so his Turks can get back out into the field, so he heads out and down the hall to the kitchen without any further delay. Surprisingly, he finds his computer set up and waiting for him on the dinner table. There's a freshly made cup of coffee on one side, and all the reports he'd requested yesterday from Elena on the other.

Need or not, he's definitely giving Elena a bonus as the end of the month no matter how much she insists it's not needed. Besides, it'll piss off Reno, and that's always worth a few gil.

***.***

It isn't until Reno appears in the kitchen just after sunrise the next morning that Rufus takes a break. He's concerned about Tseng still being asleep and takes the chance to question Reno on it while the redhead's waiting for a fresh pot of coffee to brew.

"He woke up for a few minutes last night and seems fine," Reno comments offhandedly, fiddling with his cup. "Talked a bit and went back to sleep. He just seems tired."

Rufus can't stop the feelings of jealousy that bubble up inside at missing out on Tseng waking up again, or the fact that he seems to have gone back to sleep in Reno's arms, with no traumatic episodes. As much as Rufus had previously guessed that the redhead would handle Tseng better than he did, it's still a bitter pill to swallow that he was right.

The argument he starts is stupid and mostly irrelevant, and he knows it even as he follows a scowling Reno back into the bedroom where Tseng is still sleeping. Their voices may be lowered to try not wake Tseng, but there is no reduction in the hostility of their tone as they argue back and forth.

Then suddenly Reno gives ground, and despite the eye roll of derision, his tone softens as he switches to trying to persuade Rufus instead. The blond is taken back, even more so when the redhead reaches out and cups his face, fingers gentle and eyes imploring.

It hurts, so very much, because he knows Reno is trying to calm him and keep the peace, because it's what Tseng would want. Rufus tries for a moment to continue arguing over the top of the chasm of inadequacy that has just opened up in his chest but then Reno smiles and Rufus knows he doesn't deserve the expression in the slightest. The blond turns away, arms crossing over his chest as he breathes in and out, trying to push down the painful realization that Reno really is better for Tseng in so many ways.

"Fine, we'll do it your way for now," Rufus concedes, because as childish as he sounds, it's all he can give. "If he gets worse, even a little, because I listened to you, I'll shoot you myself."

"Yeah, and I'll even help you load ya big gun," Reno agrees, and Rufus scoffs because he knows that he'd be more likely to shoot himself than Reno... and it's a horribly depressing realization. 

His eyes turn to the bed then, hoping to cheer himself with a glance at Tseng, only to find dark eyes looking back at him. Rufus can't help but be stunned that Tseng just witnessed his childish outburst, and says the first thing that comes to mind.

"Tseng, you're awake," he blurts out, before his eyes flick over to Reno instinctively, looking for some clue as to what to do next, because his mind is drawing a blank.

"You're such a dick," Reno mutters towards Rufus before looking back to Tseng. "Hey, beautiful. Sorry we woke you up."

Rufus feels like he's just been stabbed in the chest as his eyes linger somewhere between the two. What Reno said to Tseng was a simple greeting, but Rufus has gotten so twisted up in his own jealousy that even that is beyond him when in Tseng's presence now. It's like a big fat neon sign, telling him he doesn't belong here anymore, but still he can't force his feet to move.

"I appreciate that you both care enough to argue about my treatment," Tseng states, but it only makes Rufus feel worse, because it's all his fault, and it's the last thing Tseng needs to wake up to.

"Well, we would just grab an arm each and pull, but ya might just snap in two," Reno chuckles out, and the shock of the mental image pulls Rufus out of his daze.

"Now who's the dick," he hisses at Reno, disgusted that the redhead would joke about Tseng dying when they've only recently come so close to it being a reality. Reno only laughs at him, and Rufus just stares at his feet, trying to calm down before he makes an even bigger fool of himself.

Then Tseng begins asking questions, and they give him answers, although Rufus is just doing so on automatic. He doesn't feel all that present in the moment anymore, as all he wants to do is escape the room. There's too many memories he doesn't want to recall being skimmed over, thrown up at once in a jumble of too few words, and he finds himself tuning out and leaving most of it to Reno.

"Hey, Tseng? Are ya alright? You look pale," Reno suddenly states, and it pulls Rufus' attention back to the bed. Tseng is staring wide eyed at his hands, his breath fast and panicked. Rufus is familiar with the signs, too many years with only educational books to entertain him, finally giving him some knowledge he can use.

"Reno, he's having an anxiety attack. Lie down behind him, so he doesn't feel crowded and say something comforting," he orders, and the redhead doesn't argue for once, moving behind Tseng and beginning a murmured string of words that seem to help. Rufus can only stand in the middle of the room uselessly and watch as Reno gives the reassurances he knows he is incapable of.

***.***

Rufus leaves the bedroom after Reno follows Tseng into sleep, and he manages a late lunch with Elena and Rude, even if his appetite is non existent. He learnt long ago that there's no point arguing with Elena when she wants you to eat, so he chews it down without tasting anything until his plate is empty, mind distracted by how much he wants to be in Reno's place. His afternoon passes just as uneventfully, hours ticking by as he reads over files and documents until the lines of text begin to blur together and he's taking none of it in.

The sun has just disappeared when Rufus finally just gives in and goes back to his bedroom. Tseng and Reno are both still asleep, so he spends the next hour just sitting in a chair beside the bed, thinking over everything and turning the whole situation inside out in his mind. He's fighting himself this time, because it's become such an obvious fact that he's not needed by Tseng anymore, but his heart still wants. He can't stand to look at the two sleeping together so peacefully in his bed, and instead he stares at the far wall, trying to convince himself that he needs to just let go.

"Rufus," Tseng's voice suddenly calls, startling Rufus out of his thoughts. It takes a moment for him to school his features back to a less upset expression, but Tseng's smile helps.

"Do you need something? Water, or something to eat?" Rufus asks, sitting up straighter. "I can help you to the bathroom too, if you need it." At least those are all things of use he can still do, even if they are nothing more than handling bodily needs. After all, Reno has everything else well and truly covered.

"I need you here," Tseng simply states, patting the bed before him as if it's the most natural thing in the world to ask. "Please?"

Rufus freezes in place, because he wants this so very much that it's almost impossible to move without a recurrence of yesterdays embarrassing 'glomping' incident.

"Rufus, I want you in my arms again. You can hate me all you like tomorrow," Tseng adds resignedly after a few minutes, and the tone in his voice stabs into Rufus' conscious. He's causing Tseng more pain and it's the last thing he wants to do.

"I don't hate you," Rufus replies quickly, standing up and taking the two steps to the edge of the bed before his fear kicks back in and stops him. His hands clench at his sides as his gaze flicks past Tseng to Reno, before coming back to Tseng's face. "I just... I don't understand...." _Why you want me here_ , goes unsaid, as the words stick in Rufus' throat, because he can't bear the possibilities of what Tseng's answer may be.

"Rue, stop thinking and get into bed," Tseng insists, and there's an edge of annoyance now that pushes Rufus to just move. If it's what the man wants, it's the least he can do, and he can always work out the rest tomorrow. 

Turning to sit on the edge of the bed, Rufus removes everything except for his shirt and pants, and lies back in the space before Tseng, flat on his back. He's terrified that the Turk will demand he take off more, and he's still trying to search his mind for a valid excuse not to, when Tseng sighs and cuddles up to him, head resting on his shoulder and an arm wrapping around his waist.

All previous decisions on taking the honorable path and giving up on Tseng simply disappear in that embrace. Rufus is feeling too much at once, and it's so overwhelming, especially when he has no way to escape and try to gain some kind of sensible balance to his thoughts. For months he's laid awake in bed at night remembering this, missing it and wondering if he was ever going to feel it again. Then Tseng's breath tickles his neck, and Rufus feels like he's going to explode from how much he just wants.

"I'm sorry for having sex with Reno and Rude," Tseng murmurs, sitting up to look down and Rufus can't turn away from those eyes that still trap him effortlessly. "I have to be honest with you though. I don't regret it. I was falling apart at the time, and they put me back together. It wasn't about not wanting you... it was never about not wanting you or preferring them. I just needed... I needed...."

"More than I could give you," Rufus inserts into the pause, feeling the pain inside of him reawakening. He's never enough by himself, only ever has value as a component of something more, and by this stage in his life, he should be used to his own shortcomings. It hurts so much it numbs out everything else, and he manages to just gaze up at Tseng in acceptance, because it was always only a matter of time before the older man realized the truth.

"I understand that now. Reno... well, he explained some things to me I didn't comprehend before. I won't lie to you and say I'm happy about it though," Rufus adds, his gaze falling to Tseng's lips. He can longer look into Tseng's eyes as he decides his only option is to just take whatever he is given, because Tseng is never going to want only him. It's not all bad though, because it means he'll get to feel those lips again, and sometimes, he'll even be able to close his eyes and pretend this is all real.

"Can you accept that and forgive me?" Tseng asks, and he's moving closer, demanding a response. Rufus keeps his gaze down on those lips, so Tseng will never see the lie.

"Yes...," Rufus mumbles, pushing down the despair, because they'll be enough time for that later when he's all alone and hating himself for how pathetically weak he really is. "Already did."

Then finally Tseng's lips touch his own, and it's so gentle and sweet that the logical part of Rufus' brain stops working altogether.

"Can I have you back?" Tseng whispers, his breath tickling Rufus' lips as they hover just a fraction away. The Turk pulls back a little more, and Rufus chases his lips, wanting his consolation prize.

"You never _didn't_ have me, idiot," Rufus insists before their lips meet, lifting a hand to cup the back of Tseng's head and ensure he doesn't try to pull away again. It's an unnecessary step, as Tseng kisses him back so passionately that Rufus ends up a brainless mess. Even when the kiss does finally end, all he can do is stare dazedly up into that beautiful face, all the love in his heart laid bare in his surrender.

"That was so hot," Reno drawls from the other side of the bed, and the moment shatters as they both turn to glare at the interruption.

"Woah, don't kill me... hang on, what the hell did I do now?" the redhead asks ignorantly.

Rufus has never wanted to kill anybody as much as he wants to kill Reno in that moment. He's still glaring at the redhead when Tseng sighs and cuddles back up against his shoulder, and the sudden look of hurt that crosses Reno's features only adds to the sick satisfaction Rufus feels at such a small thing. He doesn't even think twice before twisting the knife in Reno's emotions just a little more.

"You spoiled our moment, you ass," Rufus grumbles, arms wrapping around Tseng possessively as he smiles at the redhead over the older man's shoulder. 

Reno gives him a dirty look before huffing and collapsing back into the sheets, mumbling out a grumpy, "Well, sorry for breathing."

The room falls to silence, and Rufus finds he can't look away from Reno's wounded expression. It's totally pissing him off, because he relates to it all too well. He also knows deep down that he owes Reno far better than this, considering the redhead has never used Tseng's preferential feelings for himself against Rufus. It's an unfamiliar kindness that Rufus has never experienced before, because growing up, all his weaknesses were always used against him by everyone, including his own father. It eats at his conscious, until finally Rufus just wants Reno to stop with that damn hurt expression.

"Reno," Rufus mutters.

"What?"

"Stop pouting and get over here. Tseng's back is cold," Rufus manages to add, but he can't keep the frown from his features, because it feels so wrong to concede this.

"Really?" the redhead asks, sitting up to study Rufus, one eyebrow rising in question at the look of death he's getting from the blond. "Are you sure?"

"Would I have said something if I _wasn't_ sure? Hurry up before I change my fucking mind," Rufus spits at him, and it's the last thing he's willing to say, even if Reno doesn't take it and just move.

Suddenly Tseng is nuzzling his neck as if rewarding him for his words, adding one of those gentle kisses that melts Rufus, before settling back to stillness again. All the aggression slips away immediately, leaving Rufus staring at Reno with one wide eye, his heartbreak clear to see. It's mortifying, and all he can do in the end is close his eye, because he's still not willing to let go of Tseng to run, not now. He feels Reno moving closer to Tseng, and they all shuffle around a little, finding a way to fit that allows sleep.

After they've finally stilled, Rufus opens his eye once more, pure curiosity driving him to have one last look at the redhead. Reno is staring right back at him, and there's something in his expression that Rufus has never seen before. It's disconcerting, and Rufus just shuts his eye again because he's too damn tired and raw to make any further sense of anything tonight.

***.***


End file.
